Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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