thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
