You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
