TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
