found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
