All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
