direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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