the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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