From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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