dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
