Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
