I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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