Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
