Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
