Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
