Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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