Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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