It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
