I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
