watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
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i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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