Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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