i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
