i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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