Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
