hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
