I am puke
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
