so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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