Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
