He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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