I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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