The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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