I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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