for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
