hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
