my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
