I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
