It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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