i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
