I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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