oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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