I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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