best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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