I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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