Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
