guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
