i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.