Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah, i think she was German or something.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

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  (405): Yeah, i think she was German or something. (1-405): No dude, she's just got a speech impediment. http://tfl.nu/y6oj
  Replies (4) Good night (852) Bad night (1319)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up

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  (301): i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up http://tfl.nu/1cet
  Replies (29) Good night (4006) Bad night (1104)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.

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  (607): Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom. (1-607): I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts. http://tfl.nu/s0vw
  Replies (15) Good night (2484) Bad night (1336)
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  (530): View more from California

  Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust

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  (530): Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust http://tfl.nu/l0ps
  Replies (10) Good night (3733) Bad night (994)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.

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  (919): She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat. http://tfl.nu/bin7
  Replies (9) Good night (1890) Bad night (5331)
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  (818): View more from California

  im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

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  (818): im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically. http://tfl.nu/np2a
  Replies (23) Good night (2071) Bad night (6683)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.

  (917): View more from New York City

  me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.

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  (317): Sitting here wishing there were men in my life. (917): me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time. http://tfl.nu/mpan
  Replies (21) Good night (1579) Bad night (5471)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot

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  (508): i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot http://tfl.nu/slrj
  Replies (6) Good night (1941) Bad night (1440)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.

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  (+44): Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman. http://tfl.nu/smcd
  Replies (2) Good night (3044) Bad night (839)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.

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  (480): Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face. http://tfl.nu/gk53
  Replies (10) Good night (1224) Bad night (2417)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

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  (814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87
  Replies (5) Good night (3328) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now

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  (832): I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now http://tfl.nu/6g0n
  Replies (10) Good night (2685) Bad night (769)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.

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  (251): We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies. http://tfl.nu/6jxt
  Replies (5) Good night (1398) Bad night (557)
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  (619): View more from California

  Then again, he has huge mansions.

  (619): View more from California

  *manboobs.

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  (619): Then again, he has huge mansions. (619): *manboobs. http://tfl.nu/0ptq
  Replies (3) Good night (430) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.

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  (757): I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun. http://tfl.nu/8rfr
  Replies (7) Good night (1199) Bad night (408)

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