you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
