and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
