The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i drank out of a bidet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
