I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
