we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
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So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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