she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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