Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
