hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
