My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
