I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
