Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
