I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
