Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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