I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
