He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
