I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think your dad took our porno
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
