I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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