so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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