I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
