4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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